Plated Metals

In February, I blogged on http://365daysofresolutions/ about friends who make their way back into your life...and you're so re-connected, it's as though you were never separated.

I had been blessed, so I thought, with that type of relationship...I called it silver and gold, after the Girl Scout song we use to sing in rounds while sitting about the campfire...

"Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver ,and the other gold."

I felt as I had been given such a treasure in that friendship, since it isn't every day that God places someone from our past so solidly on our current path.

Eventually, I came to the realization that my beautiful silver and gold gift wasn't real...it was plated, faux...and it broke easier than I would have ever imagined. I kept trying to polish the friendship and make it shine again. Instead, it crumbled...I couldn't repair it.

Losing a bond that I thought was so strong was - and has been - devastating to me. I'm unsettled...maybe due more to my naivety in believing that relationships are precious, than to the actual loss, but unsettled, nonetheless.

This feeling of sadness hit home again the other night as I stood, watching a group of girls take hold of each others hands during a scout meeting. And in unison they began to sing...

How Do You Not Laugh?

Lately, Lucas has been sneaky. And while being deceitful is a concern in and of itself, he goes beyond that with the fibbing he does when caught. I'm beside myself. I've never had to deal with this, so, to be quite honest, I don't know what to do. Except, on occasion, to laugh.

Elsa was given a hip, girlie Birthday gift from a sweet friend of mine. The problem is that Lucas really likes it, too.

The other night as I was tucking the kids into bed, I noted multiple dark lines across Luke's denim-blue pillow case.

"Honey, what's all over your pillow case?"
"Um, it's just wet."
Feeling the pillow..."How did it get wet? Sweetie, it doesn't feel wet. What's on the pillow case?"
"Seriously, Mom, it's wet."
"Lucas, the pillowcase isn't wet. I'm touching it and it's not wet. Honey, I'm really more upset at this point about the truth not being told. Can you tell me what it is? Did you draw on the pillowcase?" ( A side note...Lucas has been graffiti-ing everything - including the neighborhood playground...so drawing on things is an issue for us.)
"Mom, if I tell you, please don't be upset with me."
"Tell me, please."
"It's Elsa's lip gloss."
(At this point, I'm thinking...we have a gazillion markers in the house and he used lip gloss...that's bizarre...maybe he thought it was a marker...no, he knows what lip gloss is because he tries to put it on..should I be worried?)
"LU-CAS (emphasis on both syllables), why on earth would you draw on the pillow case with lip gloss?"
"Well, the lip gloss is vanilla...and I wanted my pillow case to smell good."

Mean Pumpkins Suck...

I want to be a role model for my children, but there are times when I so want to break down, yell out, and let loose about how I feel. Instead, I hold it in, out of respect for the other person. Yet, by doing so I put my self, my own sanity at risk.

There are times when I've wanted to move negative people out of my life - folks who told more lies than truths, or who were incessantly negative. However, I would never consider cutting someone out of my life who I cared deeply about at some point in time without any explanation on my end. Nor, would I neglect to give them the opportunity to vent, scream, cry, explain, cuss...say what was on their mind...even if I knew I didn't agree with it. To ignore and turn ones back on someone - an old friend, in particular - is not only cruel, but immature and unnecassary, especially as adults. It's mean. And it sucks.

I've always been a forgiving soul. A friend recently told me that unlike most people I look at a person's heart and not necessarily their actions. It allows me to easily and quickly forgive. And since I so easily forgive, it is simple for me to take on the role of forgiver, even when I truly don't see how an issue might have arose due to my actions. I'm certainly not a saint and have caused rifts in relationships throughout my lifetime. But, I've always held to the thought that I would never want to leave this world not at peace with another person - and I would never want another individual to not have the opportunity to be at peace with me.

People are entitled -deserving - of resolutions. Communication - in any form, even if it's a 10 minute bitch session - is gentler, more loving and kind, than avoidance for no reason. We are sensitive, spirit-like, God-filled creatures...and for that reason, if no other, we owe each other decency, respect, and understanding.

Sticks, Stones, & Glass Houses

There is confusion in the minds of some surrounding the meaning of the phrase, "People who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones. "

This isn't advice to keep one's mouth closed when faced with inappropriate behavior. Everyone should be expected to call out and be called out when they are hurting another, lying, cheating, stealing...whatever the err. Unethical behavior should always be condemned, regardless of the perpetrator. Sometimes it takes another individual to remind us of how off-base we are in our actions. We are here to serve each other - minister to one another - and at times, that involves bringing to light issues and concerns that another person isn't willing, or happy, to hear.

However, how we do that is what separates those who are loving, Christ-like, Spirit-led in behavior versus those who have other intentions. To label another soul - to call them a name, especially in a public forum - to throw sticks and stones - shows a lack or character, maturity, understanding, and empathy. For example, you may not agree with the way in which I attempt to resolve a conflict, but that doesn't give you the right to call me a crazy bitch. Or, you might think that having one-night stands and/or pre-marital sex, is wrong - especially since the Bible says so- but that doesn't give you the right to call a man a dirty whore simply because he engages in that type of behavior to pacify his insecurities. You should, instead, pray that he comes to terms with whatever is spawning that behavior.

Everyone has flaws. But, when we stoop to the level of anger and nastiness when dealing with others, we add to our own list of issues to contend with, not theirs.

In An Instant

There is an historic, soul-filled, beautiful, simply-kept meetinghouse for Quakers - actually, for anyone - to worship located off of Old Fallston Rd. It sits back from the road, surrounded by green-ness...there is a small cemetery out back...a separate building - an original schoolhouse - hosts the children's program...and the library (my favorite room) houses the hard-backed, musty-paged writings of those moved by the Spirit. Today was our first visit and, as usual upon entering a place where Friends gather, I felt completely at home.
I thought I had to rely on a move across country or another person to create a sense of safety in my life, along with the feeling of being warmed & welcomed. At 10:30 this morning, I realized I have been mistaken.
In 1994, I left Maryland. No, I escaped from Maryland. Had I not had the sense to leave behind toxic individuals and negative circumstances, I would be 6-feet under with a tombstone that reads...Wasted Away...rising above wilted flowers and faded American flags at its base. Not only was I killing myself, I was allowing others to pull me into a grave. As I drove alone along Rt. 70 West toward Colorado, I promised myself a fresh start, a cleanse from all of the horrible things that had happened to that point, and a new life which focused on blossoming emotionally and spiritually.
Certainly, I made my share of mistakes when I settled in the Boulder area. But, I was so fortunate to be surrounded by this amazing group of diverse people...in hindsight they were mentors, educators, spirit-guides, friends. Several of them are still in my life.
I was still facing my demons, though- change doesn't happen overnight...a lesson in patience and perseverance! Over the next 16 years, for various reasons - a marriage, an illness, job opportunity - I relocated back and forth - MD to CO, CO to MD - six times. And each time, I felt myself growing in a positive way...I was becoming stronger in all areas of my life and finally felt as though I had made my way to the life-path I not only wanted to be on, but believed I was expected to be on. The only lingering concern that I allowed to keep traipsing through my mind was that I didn't feel rooted...I didn't know where I belonged. Finally, I made the decision that a move back home would be best for everyone.
Lately, however, I began to question that choice. In the form of some friends (if I inserted "facebook" prior to the word friends would that be somewhat funny or a bit warped?) I was greeted by some unwelcome visitors...anger, dishonesty, betrayal, lust, insecurity, self-hate...characters I spent most of my adult lifetime trying to keep away from my heart... and now, I have more motivation to keep them at bay - my children.
In tears this week, I wondered how I could have gotten so far off-track in such a short period of time...how I could let the struggles and disillusions of others knock me down. People offered their opinions...you need to stop caring so much about others, you're a nut, you need to lighten up, you just need to party- have some fun, you're too nice so you'll never survive here alone. I didn't have my filter going, so I was taking all of this - and more negatives - in. And I started feeling overwhelmed, lost, and insecure.
So, I went back to the source of everything good.
As we made our way through the meetinghouse entryway - the door of which was kept completely open throughout the morning - we were silently greeted by the smiling eyes and nods of those already seated. The windows were open, too, and there was a slight breeze making its way across the stillness of the room. Lucas laid across my lap, my one arm cradling him as he held tight to his stuffed dog, Bowie. My other arm was wrapped around Elsa, who had snuggled up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. While closing my eyes, I inhaled a slow, deep breath and thanked the Divine for bringing me to this place. In that instant I felt warmth and a deep peace...the safety of love...my welcome home gifts from God.

Facebook Follies!

For anyone to believe that the number of friends noted in the box to the left of one's homepage is actually an indication of true friendships is foolish...absurd...insane.

Prior to facebook, communication with family and friends who were currently in your life was done face-to-face or over the phone. Email was an option, as well. There were, and still are, search option on the internet to locate those who we had an interest in finding. The beauty of these types of correspondence is that it's private...strangers aren't following your every thought or judging your every move.

The other positive about phone calls versus facebook is that the telephone doesn't seem to be as much of an addiction as logging onto facebook.

Over the last few days, I've had people irate with me for deleting them as friends. (This was done for my own sake, my own peace of mind, a way to deal with an issue that I'm struggling with resolving...not because these individuals necessarily did anything to me or because I want them out of my life. So, instead of dealing with the backlash, I deactivated my own account for the time being. This is confusing to me. Just because a person isn't listed under the faux-friends category, doesn't mean there isn't a friendship still in tact or that there is no other way to communicate. Think about the insecurity and self doubt being deleted causes in people. To base one's self worth or define one's self on how many friends one has on facebook, isn't healthy. Friendships are determined by trust, honestly, and loyalty, not a picture in a box.

I think so many people - including myself and several facebook "friends" - are so worried about missing something, about not being included, or in some way needing to be at the center of attention in other's people's eyes, that facebook is almost becoming a public health issue. Belonging to facebook isn't helping people resolve issues, it's simply escalating insecurities and neurotic behavior that is already present, in addition to creating more complex, interwoven problems with people we barely know.

More on this later...

Do you think there are any negatives surrounding facebook?

What's A Blog?

I'm a magnet for emotional relief, it seems.
My friend, Mack, pointed out the other day that I'm so unlike most of the population
(oh, and if you look on my other blog, http://365daysofresolutions.blogspot.com/, there is an overview of a personality test that I took...and a link for you to take it, too).
People are drawn to me, I easily sense energy - good and "bad," folks feel they can vent to me...they come to me for emotional and spiritual support and I offer positive and loving options for resolutions. But, I guess it throws them off, when I hold up the mirror and ask, "What part, though, did you play in the situation that has you so mired down?...What negatives did you bring to the table?...Are there untruths about yourself or others being injected into the situation?...What are you going to DO to fix the problem?" (The latter is the most unappreciated question, by far).
You see, I don't mind being a sounding board or a trouble shooter, but I do mind being unloaded on, weighted down with all of the issues of others, who then move on, continuing their same negative and hurtful behavior, while I deal with the ethics of what I've just been told. It's frustrating.
Usually, when people come to me upset, concerned, confused, or angry about the hand they've been dealt, I recommend journaling ( journaling is wonderful for positives, too...journal daily, everything you are grateful for in another person...(or yourself)...and give it to them at some point...it was the best gift I've ever delivered to a loved-one in the past).
Today, I decided to take my own advice and start blogging (journaling) again! What a release it is going to be to share the truth, suggestions, insight, and stories with folks! While both of my blogs don't have too many followers...they've been read over a 1000 times! Yippee! Going forward, I'd love some participation...some input...Venting is welcome, too, as long as you include some sort of steps toward resolution of your issue. All of this being said, please know that my intention isn't to offend anyone, especially when I use names, but rather to bring things to light and for me to finally be able to unload the way that I see is best and healthiest for me. Yes, for a change, I'm going to think about myself.

Compass

One of the most heart-wrenching things about the journey through this life is having people whom you care so much about leave the path you were on at one time together. The unexpected can be shocking, traumatizing.
Imagine opening your life and your heart up to someone, all the possibilities; knowing that you are just getting started on your walk together - choosing a new path, hand in hand; trusting that if you fall, they will pick you up - or if you make a wrong turn they still end up next to you, and hoping they know you would do the same for them.
Out of the blue, the person you believed in, the friendship you cherished, all of the laughter, the comforting voice and safety of their arms vanishes into thin air.
How do you take another step when you are so numb? And what direction do you turn at that point?

Some will say that everything happens for a reason...implying there is some higher power at work for the sadness that happens in our lives. I don't believe that. It's a cop out, a way to shift the blame to something beyond ourselves. Things happen because we make choices and those choices have a ripple effect on others that we fail to consider because we are so wrapped up in our selves.
God wants us to be happy and live lives of love, joy, and abundance. His expectation of us is to be kind and loving to others. It really is so easy. That's how it should be.
Yet, we make it an uphill battle. When He gifts another's heart to us, it's usually because we asked for it. But then we flee from the gift. (The gift feels like dirt, being rejected like that.)
We run. We hide. Usually, we end up going down the wrong trail because we keep relying on an old map, over and over again...it keeps taking us to the same spot.

It's only when we are brave enough to come out of our hiding places and open our eyes - and hearts, that we truly understand that God is the compass, pointing us in the direction He thinks would bring us the most peace and love in our lives.

Angel Music

I believe that creativity is one of the most important traits a person can have. I think thin crust is so much better than thick. Guacamole goes with  - almost - everything. I think horses are magical animals. I believe that there are even more than two sides to every story. I know that happy endings do happen. Macaroni and cheese should not come from a box. Betraying a friend is a serious offense. I think turtles are so freakin' cool. I love thunderstorms...they are symbolic of how things blow over then are beautiful and back to normal. I love when my children don't want to move from my lap - even to play with their friends. Snuggles and hugs are always available. I think sundresses are genius. I think if someone is sad, you should comfort them. Why chew gum that doesn't lend itself to bubble blowing? I think community is important. Healing Acres Farm and Gathering Place. I think if everyone practiced yoga, the world would be a much more peaceful place. I love my ass. Jean jackets go with everything. I'd rather pay for a quality produced item than have one that was cheaper, but shoddily made. Sunflowers are jubilant! I prefer strong, dark, fair-trade, organic coffee. We are supposed to take care of each other. I Spy is the best game to play while on a road trip. Costa Rica, Italy, Ireland, Belize, Portugal...not necessarily in that order. I think you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt. Happy hour on the deck, sunsets, the smell of water, reggae music...priceless. Violins are beautiful, both in sound and appearance. I believe that our children learn how to treat others by the way we treat others. If no gifts were exchanged on Christmas, I'd be ok with that...I think if you see something that would be the perfect gift for someone, you buy it and give it to them...you shouldn't have to wait for a certain day...life is too short...better yet, I wish that people would realize that getting something that comes from the heart, as opposed to the mall, has more meaning and is appreciated longer. No one should outgrow naps. Spiritual, sexual, emotional, physical...the elements of a relationship...all of them have to be present, funtioning ,and healthy in order to have an intimate and loving relationship. Running clears my mind. Bunnies have the cutest tails. Always make the bed. I think that if you see kids selling cookies and lemonade at a stand, you are obligated to stop and buy something. No worries...everything is going to be amazing. Whew...on a roll!

Journaling...

I love my children...and have accepted the fact that they will, one-day, move on to start lives of their own. I believe you should smile at everyone you see. I think you should look someone in the eyes when they are talking to you. I believe that if you are going to pray, you need to be ready to do the work that comes with what God has to say. I like freckles. I believe that touch is vital to survival and healing. I love old movies. Cooking should be a family affair. I would do anything for my friends. The goofier, dorkier a person is, the better. Meditate. I believe in PDA. I think seashells should be displayed. Clothing is optional, but if I had to pick one thing to wear every day it would be a pair of jeans, white t-shirt, and flip-flops – and some sort of hat. I think anyone who spends needless time, money, and energy on a wedding day, isn’t really ready for a marriage. I spit watermelon seeds. I believe it takes work if it means anything. I think of laughter as a thread that keeps relationships sewn together. I believe in loyalty. I don't fake anything. I think that playing with and reading to children are two of the most important gifts we can give them. I believe the elderly are national treasures. Diamonds and gold are overrated. I love sand. I miss my Nana. I’ll always be an Oriole’s fan, even when they suck, every year. I think that being alone and feeling lonely are two completely different things…the former I don’t mind, the latter makes me sad. Music should be on more than the television. Family is important. I am a farmer at heart. Dreaming is wonderful, but doing is better. I don't believe in coincidences. Fish-net thigh highs rock. I believe if someone is within three feet of you, you should speak to them. I love holding hands. October is my favorite month. I believe in second chances – and three’s a charm. I love to celebrate other people's birthdays. My favorite flower is a peony. I think it’s unfair and unhealthy to expect one person to fulfill all of your needs. I like breakfast for dinner, but burritos for breakfast. I’m terrible at doing the dishes. Heart beats out head, hands-down, every time. I think chocolate should be its own food group. I admit when I'm wrong and I admire others who can do the same. I (quietly) cuss like a sailor when I get upset. Everyone is beautiful. I love getting my hands dirty. I'm sensitive to the feelings of others. Green! I love to have my face touched, especially while being kissed. I think people should be required to buy at least one box of Girl Scout cookies every year. I love boobs. I like images of the Madonna and Child. I consider lying on a blanket, watching the stars come out a fantastic date. I think you should eat by candlelight as often as possible. Rain calms me. I know that I love you. I believe that God is all-loving and all-forgiving. I love to dance. I love the smell of the ocean. I think that you have to be able to laugh at yourself. I make the best coconut cream pie on the planet. Kissing is underrated. 4 is a lucky number. Quotes by famous dead (and some who are still alive) people make me think. I love the smell of babies. Pumpkins make me smile. I believe that Halloween is as much for grown-ups as for adults. The simpler the better. I believe that even the most wonderful, loving, long-lasting relationships have challenges. I think that, should the situation ever present itself, God would choose a beer over any other beverage. Birthday cakes should be homemade. I believe in, on occasion, saying Yes! to a child before the question is even asked. Camping puts things in perspective. I believe that you can’t truly love a person who you don’t really like. I feel that everyone needs to laugh through life, hand in hand, with another person.


I could keep going…

I think that journaling is eye-opening…

See, I can’t stop…

Party Hats

Elsa is a hoot. She decided that she wanted to have an "I Love You" party.  She drew a picture of a cake with me standing underneath of it. She and Lucas pretended to serve food and drinks. We turned on music and danced to Toots and the Maytals. Then she hustled upstairs and hailed Lucas. A few minutes later they ran down the steps wearing their party hats...

Life is good. And hilarious.

Are You Sure I Don't Need To Worry?

Lucas likes to pick out his own clothes. Often times, they don't match. Other times he has on shorts and a t-shirt and it's 9-below. For the most part, he manages to pull it off, which gives him a sense of accomplishment.

However, the other day wasn't one of his best fashion choices.  He was getting dressed to play with one of the children in the neighborhood.  I was in the kitchen and heard him walk out the door without checking with me. I knew something was going on. Thankfully, I caught him before he headed down the street.

Then, after nap, he decided to change (Which he always does. He goes through several outfits a day). Instead of better, the choice was worse - but only in regard to aesthetics! The funny-factor was off the charts! Please note that the boots have a frog (or dinosaur...we've never figured it out) face on them.

I love that he is such an independent, confident spirit!

Won't Stop Loving...

I'm going to preface this post with the acknowledgment that I have so many things to improve upon! While one of my favorite sayings is that I'm "perfectly imperfect," that doesn't mean that I'm content being the way that I am.

"Be not afraid of growing slowly.

Be afraid of standing still."

~Chinese proverb

A friend, who I've known for many years, and I got into a discussion a few months ago about good and evil. She is a religious person (her claim, not mine). She believes that people are inherently bad, that trust needs to be earned, that people only care about themselves, and that forgiveness shouldn't be easily bestowed on those who hurt us.

These aren't the teachings I think Christ had in mind.
I believe that God's breath, God's light, is in everyone. So, I can not in good conscious, with a clear mind, think that people are inherently bad. And though hurt, I'll keep forgiving. Once you truly forgive, you have no other option but to trust again. And again.

Another friend from high school has "Christian" listed as her religious view on her facebook information page. (In fact, I see this "view" posted often on lots of people's pages.) Yet, she - and others with this label (maybe that's not fair...maybe it seems that people who loudly proclaim to follow Christ - or any other religious figure)  - seem to be the first one's to spew hatred, to seethe intolerance, to hurl harmful remarks about/toward other people, especially those who disagree on religious, philosophical, and politcal fronts. Or, better yet, those of a different race or nationality.

The Christ I know doesn't speak like this.
The space under where I sign my checks reads, "Love One Another." That's what Christ taught...to love.  I can't recall that He said only love people who are good, who aren't troubled, who haven't sinned, who only have the same skin color as you, who only live where you live and believe what you believe, who haven't hurt you. And if there are exclusions to the "love one another" policy, I'm opting out of them.

Some people believe that going to (Christian) church for an hour per week and sending their kids to Sunday school makes them a good person. And this is how they will achieve salvation. Sadly, they've never read the entire Bible (actually, no one really has since books have been removed, which theoretically makes it incomplete:( page by page in order to understand the context in which it was written. However, they'll pull versus out that they think will support whatever claim they are trying to make that day. (Seriously, I was talking about the Trinity...The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit... to a catholic who goes to church every week and had no idea what I was referring to).

The God I love wants me to carry Him throughout my days with my every breath.
Every day should be Sunday.

Then there are those who want to look good in the eyes of everyone (except their spouses and children...even parents)  - usually strangers and those they attend church with...so they'll use the catch phrase..."I'll pray for you!"  in order to fall into the good graces of others. Yet, they never take the time to do that - pray - especially not for anyone, except perhaps themselves. Probably, they had no plan on praying...it was simply lip service.

I believe in intention...in being motivated by goodness. I believe in prayer. I think that if I tell someone I'm going to pray for them that I should stop what I'm doing to ask that the Light of Christ touch that person's life. It's not somethng that can wait!

Takers. All of us at one time or another have taken something from another, whether it was given freely or not. But some always take.  Giving - emotions, time, things,  - is done with the expectation of getting something in return. They withhold affection to punish people who they supposedly care about. Mistakes are always remembered. They neither forgive nor forget. They refuse others a second chance, redemption...but they are the exception...they expect their faults to be overlooked and accepted. They have a difficult time lifting anyone up. They are cruel in action, thought, and speech...and feel no shame or guilt about it.

 I feel that we are to be of service to others -in even the simplest of ways. Being in service requires constant giving. We are supposed to act, to behave, in a Christ-like way with everyone in our life, with all whose paths cross ours. Lifting spirits, speaking kind words, understanding even those who hurt us should be priorities throughout our day.

Our arms should be open to not only accepting love and forgiveness, but more important, to giving love and forgiveness. Forgiveness...my goodness...If God allowed us only one mistake...we'd all be screwed!
 
Love one another!

Sensitive Souls

This past week was exhausting. I was physically drained from the red-eye flight Thursday morning and never quite recovered. Sleep had no intention of paying me a visit over the weekend. I got home Sunday morning, just in time to start preparing for the neighborhood to come over for an Easter gathering that afternoon. After everyone went home for the evening, even though I was tired from hopping around all day, I needed to get out and clear my mind.

I decided that a quick walk on the path near my house would be a wonderful idea. About half-way through my loop, I saw a person coming toward me...a girl, probably in her late teens. It was so apparent that she was an emotional mess...I could hear her sobbing and as she walked she would place her face in the nook of her elbow to either hide or wipe away the tears.

I stopped in my tracks. I was tearing up a bit just from hearing and seeing her. All of these thoughts raced through my head as to why she could be in so much pain. The only thing that I could get out of my mouth was, "Sweetheart, what can I do for you?" and then " Everything will be ok." She cried harder and said thank-you. But, the oddest thing happenend as she came closer and then passed me. I could feel her. Literally, I could feel her energy. The hairs on my arms stood up and this wave of sadness made its way through me. I've always been one to empathize with others, but this was so different. Which leads me to Elsa.

She is such a loving, in-tune spirit. Even when her energy is off, she admits it. On Easter, she was in and out of the house with her friends, but she would stop and lean into me, look at me, but not say anything, all with this knowing glow in her eyes.

Later, we were lying down...the kids were crawling (slowly...they were getting tired) over and around me while I was still. Lucas scurried off. Elsa leaned over top of me and put her nose to mine...Eskimo kisses...then she puts her little hand on my head and says, "You can cry whenever you want, Mommy. Stop holding things in. It's ok." She runs off. I was dumfounded. I had been smiling, chatting, hugging on people all day. Yet, somehow she knew that my heart was sad.

Compassion...what a gift...for her, as well as for those who are blessed enough to have contact with her.

When Enough Is Enough...And When Barely Anything Shouldn't Matter

Always Make Time To Play

Elsa and I had some quality time the other day - just the two of us. We were on the sofa, sprawled out -she was at one end and I was at the other end, rubbing her feet. Out of the blue, she announced that she has made some changes to her plans regarding her future;

"Mom, remember how I said I wanted to be a baby doctor on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and have bake sales on Saturdays?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, let me tell you what I've been thinking. I'm going to be a pop star. I like to SSSIIIINNNGGG (she sang the word sing)! But, I still want to be a doctor and make sweets. I can sing at night and do all of the other stuff during the day. Is that a good idea?"

"It sounds as though you've been doing alot of thinking about the sort of work you'd like to do. It's a full schedule you have. I'm wondering when you are going to have time to play?"

"Hmmmmm, that's a good point. Let me think about that."

Later...

"Mom, instead of being a pop star, I'm going to sing to my baby patients when they come to see me on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. And I don't have to have bake sales. I'll just make treats to take to work or give to the neighbors like you do. I'll have so much more free time this way."

Smart cookie.

When There Isn't A Pillow...

Although long-distance relationships have been a mainstay in the dating world for some time, it's with the advent of facebook, match.com, and other online dating services that these types of connections have grown in acceptance. With easy access to each other via texts, cheap flights, and email - as well as the occasional phone call! - long-distance relationships are becoming easier to maintain. Or are they?

How do you create intimacy via email? How do you create shared memories when you are in two different places?

Thoughts?

Health Care

If you like the public option, why?

If you don't, why not? And what's your solution?

I Can Still Hear You

'The Horse Whisperer' ranks up there as one of the saddest stories I've read.
Today, I learned about the Cat Whisperer. Along with being a great lesson, the story is one of the funniest  I've heard all week.

My friend - we'll call her Kitty because she doesn't want me to disclose her identity - stopped by the house today. During our conversation, she disclosed that she had been having troubles with her young cat, Steve. So, she did what any sane person would have done in the same situation and called a Cat Whisperer (CW) to aid in resolving the problems.

Apparently, even though Kitty and her daughter have loved and cared for Steve (they scoop his poop for goodness sake!) he didn't feel as though he was part of the family. He shared this news with the CW. The Cat Whisperer also relayed that Steve felt he was reprimanded too much...shunned a bit. Therefore, he acted out by walking on the counter tops even though he knew that area was off limits.

Kitty was made aware of Steve's concerns. Now, she uses a different, sweeter tone when she speaks with Steve. He, appreciating this, has changed his behavior. No longer does he lash out by crossing set boundaries.

I have to believe that if we took-to-heart this one suggestion, change the way we speak by using a softer, gentler tone, we'd see positive changes in our relationships ~ especially with those we love.

Hiss less, whisper more.  Purrrr.

From Me, To You Fridays

Tis' the season for "Be Mine, Valentine" and heart-shaped candies. Of course, the kids love it.

When I picked up Luke from school, he had a grocery-sized paper bag which he had decorated with sticky hearts and rainbows. Inside the bag were all the goodies from his Valentine's Day party.

When we got home, he asked if I'd help him read the names on the cards. Initially, I thought this would be a lengthty process due to the number of children who participated in the exchange. However, Luke was still on a sugar-high from whatever he ate at achool for snack that turned his lips and tongue a Slurpee-colored red , so we were cruising through the bag.

At one point, he stopped everything and looked at me. "Mom, our party was so much fun. Everyone was nice to me. What's today?"

"Today is Friday, sweetheart."

"Yea, that's right."

We picked up the pace again, reading each name and pulling off any treat that was attached to the card.

When we were finished, he had a revelation.

"Mom, I think we should have a party every Friday, so people will be nice to each other."

Genius!

*********

Why do we only dedicate one day out of the year to shower people with affection? Love and kindness should be dished out daily. Or, at the very least, on Fridays!

What Does A Woman Want?

Freud posed this question.
A friend posted it on his facebook page.
And now I'm wondering ~
What does a woman want?

Sweetness...

What's purple, yellow, and pink...is sticky on your fingers, sweet in your mouth...and is irresistable to 4-year olds?

Me: "Lucas, did you sneak and eat the cotton candy that was in this bag?"
Lucas: " YEP! Woo, good thing I told you the truth, Mom. Now, I won't get in as much trouble."
Holy cats! The lessons are being learned.

My Tongue Is Bleeding

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Over the last few weeks I haven't said a peep about Robertson, Reid, Limbaugh, Brown, or Bauer,


Nor about the vile remarks of facebook fans that show up every hour.

I've been watching and reading as others post their non-sensical writ,

(Achoo! Achoo! Excuse me, I forgot...I'm allergic to bullshit).

I welcome a difference of opinion, a variety of views,

As long as they aren't simply talking points lifted from the babbling heads at Fox News.

Friends who truly love me aren't offended by what I say,

Speaking out rather than shutting up...they wouldn't have me any other way.

Please remember, friends, that I love you...my intent isn't to offend,

Rather, I believe communication is a step toward a nation on the mend.



Peace.

http://www.nationalpriorities.org/

Sing Me A Love Song

I'm a sucker for heart-melting, sweet, soul moving  love songs. Sometimes the music stirs up memories. Other times, a song reminds us of someone who is currently in our lives. Then, there are lines from songs that stay with us...that we tuck away to share with someone who, perhaps, we've yet to meet.

With some help from friends (Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends. Thanks to Celeste, Mark, Grace, the King, Elizabeth, and Tipp!) I've compiled a list of songs with lyrics that set a romantic mood and take your breath away.

"At Last" ~ Etta James
"Little Wing" ~ Eric Clapton's version
"I've Never Loved a Man" ~ Aretha Franklin
"Possession" ~ Sarah McLachlan
"Come Away With Me" ~ Norah Jones
"The Look of Love" ~ Dusty Springfield
"Wicked Game" ~ Chris Isaak
"It's Your Love" ~ Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
"Truly, Madly, Deeply" ~ Ray LaMontagne
"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" ~ Roberta Flack
"Wild Horses" ~ The Sundays' version
"Crazy Love" ~ Van Morrison
"Take My Breath Away" ~ Berlin
"Now More Than Ever" ~ Chicago
"Bed of Love" ~ Bon Jovi
"Let's Get It On" ~ Marvin Gaye
"Can't Get Enough of Your Love" ~ Barry White
"Breathe" ~ Faith Hill
"In Your Eyes" ~ Peter Gabriel
"I Summon You" ~ Spoon
"Collide" ~ Howie Day
"Maybe I'm Amazed" ~ Paul McCartney
"I Want To Know What Love Is" ~ Foreigner
"Open Arms" ~ Journey
"Don't Want To Wait Anymore" ~ The Tubes
"Gently I'll Wake You" ~ Chicago
"More Than Words" ~ Extreme
"I Still Love You" ~ Kiss
"You Are So Beautiful" ~ Joe Cocker
"Kandi" ~ One Eskimo
"How Deep Is Your Love" ~ The Bee Gees
"Together Again" ~ Chicago
"Just Breathe" ~ Pearl Jam
"From This Moment" ~ Shania Twain
"I Want To Go With You" ~ Jeannie Seely

What a list! I'm guessing that if you burned a cd with this music on it and gave it to your honey, you'd be covered in kisses by the end of the first song!
What do you think we're missing?

Super Powers

Lucas and I were on our way to Boulder to run an errand. As usual, while in the car we chatted. The radio was tuned in to KBCO ( World-Class Rock, baby!) and as soon as he heard the chords to Just Breathe, our conversation went as follows ~

*  "Mom, we should be quiet so we can hear the song. You love that Eddie guy." ( I do heart Mr. Vedder)

After a minute...

*  "Lucas, I love you. You're so special. "

*  "I love you, Momma. I'm not special though."

*  "What?! Lucas, you are SO special!"

*  "No, I'm not...I don't rescue people who are trapped in the forest. And I don't have any super powers."

*  "You are incredibly kind and thoughtful. You're great at sharing. You're hilarious. Elsa couldn't ask for a more caring brother and I couldn't ask for a more loving son. Being kind, funny, loving, and caring...those are your super powers."

*  " I am all of those things."

*  "Yes, yes you are. And more."

*  "Is being good at playing Wii tennis a super power?"

*  "If you want it to be, then absolutely!"

A brief pause...

*  "Oh, I know another super power...
I'm really cute!"

Heart To Heart

If you view my 365 Days blog, this is a repeat. Sorry! I thought this was a good parenting story and wanted to share it here, too.
If you haven't read 365 (why aren't you?), enjoy this! You will need to visit http://365daysofresolutions.blogspot.com/ if you want to see pictures of the artwork, as blogger isn't letting me add pics to this post for some reason.

Last year, I was introduced to The Jericho House, a Christ-centered addiction recovery program located in Georgia. Someone I care deeply about was struggling with substance abuse and other dependencies, so I wanted to learn all I could about what he was going through. I was reading the website for The Jericho House and shared with Elsa and Lucas some news. They had always been concerned that my friend wasn't able to see his children as often as he would have liked. They were saddened even more to hear that some of the residents of the house had no contact with their family members. Not wanting anyone to feel unhappy and lonely, the kids came up with the idea to mail decorated heart ornaments to the folks at the house.

Since they had such a good time sending their love, I thought this year making hearts for Valentine's Day would be ideal. We decided to get our neighbors involved as well. (We are so fortunate to live in a wonderful community filled with compassionate, caring people.) With 8 kids and 4 adults participating, we were able to create enough goodness to forward to The Jericho House, and also to our local senior center. The kids and I are excited to be going to the center this week to drop off the greetings and some other goodies!

It took me many years to figure out that it isn't the cost, brand, or location of where you purchase a gift that makes it meaningful. What makes a gift special is that the gesture of giving it be rooted in kindness and love. We hope you'll find creative ways to let others know they are loved! Don't wait! xoxo

Angels

Earlier in the day, Elsa and Lucas found a map under my bed  (Yes, I have to clean under my bed. Doing so is one of my 365 resolutions...http://365daysofresolutions.blogspot.com) and decided they wanted to gather "spy" gear and go on an adventure. Elsa asked if I would drop them off at the airport.
"Certainly," I said.
Lucas looked terrified.
"Aren't you coming with us, Mommy? I don't want to go without you," he declared with tears in his eyes.

It was at that moment I realized how connected I am with my children.

*

Later, during nap time, Lucas snuggled up next to me. He's a chatter-bug, so I knew we'd talk for a few minutes before he fell asleep.

"Mom, I don't want you to die. I know you say that Heaven is a nice place, but here is a nice place, too. And we really need you here."

Again, he had tears in his eyes. He's always so chipper...singing, skipping, making jokes, smiling. This meloncholy moment was not one that I've experienced often with him. I was choked up. I was going to soothe his mind by offering comforting words, but he continued...

"You need to make sure that when you die, you take the picture of me and Elsa...the one in our room...with you, so you don't forget us."

You're Such a Flirt...

I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. It's one of those ridiculously depressing holidays that comes after the Christmas rush and falls in the midst of  what many consider the most depressing season - winter.
In the past, I dreaded not having a date for the 14th. I'm sure I'm not the only one who started looking for a partner in January just so I wouldn't be alone in February. Or, worse yet, stayed with someone who I really didn't want to be with simply so I could celebrate a massacre. Pathetic, I know.
And don't get me wrong, I realize I was probably on the other end of those scenarios at one time or another.
(Additionally, I found that even while in long-term relationships, Valentine's Day was stressful. I had these expectations that my love-bugs just couldn't meet. So, the day became a let-down.)

All this led me to thinking about how people try to pick up each other.
How can you tell if someone is flirting with you or just feeding you a crockpot full of bull? Are flirting
and bs-ing the same thing? And if you are going to flirt, shouldn't it at least be specific to the person you are trying to woo?

I had a relationship with someone who told me the same things he told everyone else. So impersonal! We (I'm guessing men, too) want to feel special, like we are one-and-onlys...that the words coming out of your mouth have never been heard by another.

What are some things that people have said or done (flirting is an action) to let you know they were interested?

Love One Another

Like many, I am heartbroken about the devastation in Haiti. I am taking the day off from blogging to grieve, pray, and act.. Please think about what you can do to help the victims of this tragedy. Then do it.


If you'd like to make a donation, please consider contributing through the American Friends Service Committee.

Be kind to each other.

Peace!

http://www.afsc.org/

He Likes Boogers, Too!

Lucas:  "Mom, where's Elsa?"

Me: " After school, she went to her friend's house to play for a bit."

Lucas: "Why couldn't I go? I play with them all the time. Why didn't she invite me today?"

Me: "Oh, sweetheart, I think it was just a few of the girls who were getting together today. I'm sorry if you're feeling left out."

Lucas, (making a HUMPH! sound) : " Well, I've decided to start a Boy's Club. No girls, just boys.
We'll gather our cars and have races.
We'll play Wii.
When we get hot, we'll take off our shirts.
No girls.
When we're tired with Wii, we'll play dress up!
We'll talk about things and won't tell the girls."

Me: "What are you going to talk about?"

Lucas: "BOOGERS! We'll talk alot about boogers.

**********************************************************

(If you scroll through the posts, one of the first I ever wrote was about Elsa....I Spy. You'll understand the name of the title of this post, if you read that one.)

The World

Based on the title of this post, you may be thinking that I'm going to step onto my soap box and voice my opinion about the state of affairs around the world.
Not today.
I'm too tired. And it's sloth Sunday...I don't want to invest that much energy today.
That being said, we can discuss anything political - which is really just about everything - another time. On that note, any topics you want to throw out there are always appreciated.
**********************************

Yesterday, during supper, Elsa told me that while playing at a friend's house they made wishes! Lucas said that he wished for a chocolate pig.
Elsa said that a pig wouldn't cut it...she wanted the world to be made out of chocolate.

I went downstairs this morning (I was up early, even without my coffee-drug. See http://365daysofresolutions.blogspot.com/ for an explanation.). I practiced sitting in silence. Then, since it was quiet in the house, I decided to read a few more pages of Anna Karenina.

Lucas was the first one out of bed. He's the early-bird. From where I was sitting, I could see him as he was coming down the stairs.
Step. Pause. Step. Pause.
He looked around.
He took a deep breath and let out such a long sigh for a little guy.
"Elsa," he called.
"The world isn't chocolate. I'm sorry about your wish. Maybe tomorrow."
Step. Pause. Step. Pause.
"Don't feel bad...I don't see my chocolate pig either."

The world might not be chocolate, but life is sweet.

And The Answer Is

In ending an IM (instant messaging) conversation with a friend, I used the term, "for Pete's sake!" Later, on facebook, my friend updated his status to read something along the line of, "Who is Pete and why should I be concerned about his welfare?"
Well, several people voiced their theory as to who this Pete fellow is. Had anyone actually wanted to know the answer they could have Googled and found a detailed explanation of the Biblical origin of the saying. Or they could have asked me.
Here's my two-cents.
Peter is the abbreviated form of Peter. Peter is slang for penis (penis is not a dirty word - I'm not going to apologize for using it.). We know that men will do anything for the sake of this particular appendage.

(However, if this was truly the answer, I think we'd be hearing the phrase more often.)

The other day I posted a picture of some toys that the kids like to use during play. They had lined up their friends and wanted me to guess who didn't belong in the group. (See Home schooled for the entire story) I had asked if you had any idea what didn't belong! Well, according to the Elsa and Lucas, there are a few answers. Here's the rest of the story.

"Gosh, let me think..."

Elsa ~ "Do you need some time?"

Lucas ~ "You can do it, Mom."

"Let's see, there's a turtle, lion, penguin, fish, dinosaur, and alligator. I was thinking that all of them lived in or really close to the water except the lion. Then I thought that this dinosaur probably didn't live in the water either."

Lucas ~ "YES!"
(He's saying this with an uncertain, yet surprised look on his face...like he hadn't thought of that, but it made sense to him.)

"Yes? Is that the answer? I didn't think we could take away two animals?"

Lucas ~ "I'm 4. I can make the rules any way I want."

Elsa ~ "Lucas, Lucas. Mommy, that's not what we were thinking. Put on your thinking hat."

"All of the animals here have a little bit of yellow on them except for the brown lion."

Lucas ~ "Yes!"

Elsa ~ "Lu-cas! That's not what we said. It does look like that's the way it is though. You still have to guess again."

By now, my head is throbbing from thinking about this so intently.

"The only one that we can't see in the wild any more is the dinosaur. So, I'm guessing that he doesn't belong!" (Lici guessed this, too!)

Lucas ~ "Yes! Dinosaurs are extinct. That's a good one Mom."

Elsa ~ "That is a good answer. I can't believe you aren't getting the right answer though."

She's so sassy.

"I'm not? Honey, I don't know what else to say. You got me on this one."

Elsa ~ " At school, we learn that we aren't supposed to leave anyone out when we're playing. You always say to make sure we include everyone."

Lucas ~ "Yea, you always say (he starts talking in a high-pitched voice), 'Make sure you don't leave anyone out, especially Lucas.'"

Elsa ~ " Everyone belongs, even if they're different. That's the answer"

Schooled.

You Aren't Getting Any...

Sex!

The other night I watched the movie, Extract. (You can keep reading. I promise I won't give away the story by what I'm about to say.) Justin Bateman's character knows that if his wife has already changed into her grey, drawstring sweatpants by the time he gets home from work, then there is no chance of any bedroom action. No any-room action.

It was a hilarious scene because it was a relatable scenario. It got me thinking. What have I done, what round-about comments have I made, to ensure that my partner understood that I was off-limits? What signs or cues have I received or in what situations have I found myself, which made me realize I wasn't getting lucky that day? Better yet, what have I - or my partner - done to turn-off the other...to make certain that the urge that was there a minute ago is a distant memory.

In almost every relationship I've been in, I know that if there is a football game on the tube, I'm out of luck. Really, Sundays and Monday nights may as well be designated non-sex nights during football season.

Also, if someone I'm seeing is gassy, has farting bouts, it isn't only sex that is out of the question. Please, don't even get near me. Although he might not intentionally be trying to turn me off, you can be assured that I am.

For me, here are some things that have worked in the past:

1. He might have his football games to rely on, but I have The Food Network. Once it's on, count me out from being under the sheets.

2. "Honey, the next time you go to the store, can you pick up a deodorant for me? I've been out for a few days."

3. "It's winter time. You know how cold I get. I think I'm going to let my hair grow.
No, silly, the hair on my legs."

4. "Yes, I wore this sweatpant/t-shirt combo yesterday. Then I slept in it. And when I woke up, I thought, "why change...I'm already dressed."

5. Leave the box of tampons in an obvious place.

6. "Babe, my MOTHER... Insert anything you want here. By this point, you're already tuned out and your partner is turned off.

Feel free to use any or all of them when appropriate.

All that being said, when you are in the mood, HAPPY ROMPING!

Homeschooled

I heard screaming coming from the living room.

"Mom! Mom!"

"Is everything ok?"

"Of course," replies my oh-so-positive son.

"We want you to guess which of these things doesn't belong in the group," explained my daughter.

Standing along the carpet were several play toys - figures, if you will. My task was to do as requested and determine which didn't belong in the line-up. How difficult could this be?

Well, let's just say it wasn't one of my finest moments.

My kids, all kids, are incredibly intelligent, creative beings. I learn something - actually, many things - every day from my itty bitties. I realized that I'm so fortunate to be home schooled!

You figure it out. What doesn't belong...

Holiday Ho-Ho Down

From Halloween through the beginning of January, life is like an ongoing ho-down...dancing, partying, fun, and food! Lots of food. Lots. We give ourselves permission to eat food-things that throughout the other months of the year we wouldn't even consider speaking from our lips, and certainly wouldn't dare have touch our lips. Ho Hos! Now those would be a fine example of what I'm talking about. I can eat a whole one of those. No chewing needed. Apparently, according to my former husband who still lives with me (another story), this season, I've eaten far too much of everything - except fruit and vegetables.

We were sitting on the sofa watching the movie, Hangover (flippin' funny), when he looked at me and said, "Maybe you should get back to the gym on a more frequent basis." Then, he stuck his big toe into my fleshy belly.

I didn't say a word. I just glared at him. Hasn't he learned yet? After seven-plus years of marriage, and many months of non-marriage, that the way to get me to do something is NOT to tell me I should do it.

The next day, as I'm shoving a mammoth piece of banana-chocolate chip bread into my mouth he repeated that I should go to the gym.
"Nope." Then I climbed back upstairs and headed to my bed for a cat-nap.
Later, he commented that I really need some exercise. Mind you, this isn't being said in a sweet, loving way. He's looking at my plump-rump - as I've recently named it - with one eyebrow cocked.
I'm not going.

If I ever have a man in my life again I hope he understands that if you want me to do something, motivate me. Build me up. Tell me how svelte and sexy (that might be pushing it - you get the idea though) I look. I'll run to the gym. And then work out when I get there.

Thankfully, New Year's Eve was fast approaching and I needed to get my resolutions in order. It's tough to come up with 365 if you don't include anything work-out related. So, I'm back to my routine and I've added many other fun classes to my to-do list. Now, I just need to stop eating those dang ho-hos.

Not Like Mother

We've been reading the book, I'm Bad, for the last week. So, it was no surprise to hear Elsa roaring to herself..."I'm a big, bad, (but cute) Elsasaurus! I'm speedy...you can call me Dash! And I LIKE MEAT!"

The first few things she said made me giggle. However, upon the words 'I LIKE MEAT' hitting my ears, I almost fainted. You see...no respectable, groovy, quarter-of-a-century of no-meat-eating, hippie chick ever wants to hear her child say those words and actually mean it.

Yes, the kids are offered meat at most meals. Their Dad is a card-carrying carnivore. I've always been outnumbered at mealtime.
Luke tries - and likes - just about anything. Many moons ago, I gave up on him being the next John Robbins. Elsa, though, was my hope. She's always been a picky eater and meat morsels are usually the thing she leaves on her plate. Never do I encourage them to eat - or even try - meat. If the kiddos say they don't like the chicken or burger (which often times is the case since I'm not that great of a carcass cooker), then that's just peachy with me.

And I've always done my part to try to gross them about when it comes to meat.

"You know what that is, don't you?"
"What what is?"
"The salmon that's on your plate. You know what it is, right?"
"Dinner."
"It's fish! Real fish...the kind that, when not dead on your plate, swim in the water. You're eating a FISH."
"Hmmm. That's kinda cool. Bears eat fish. And this is pretty tasty."

Dang.

Back to Elsa...

So, I called her into the kitchen and asked if she really liked meat.
"Yeah! I like meat, all meat."
I must have been turning ghostly white by now.
"Oh, really...you like all meat? How about liver...do you like liver?"
"What's liver?"
Now I've got her.
"Come over to the computer and we'll pull up a picture of it." (I love Google)
"Ok."
"Here we go...here's a picture of liver. Your grandmother used to make me eat this...she'd cook it with onions and bacon and..."
"Did you say bacon? If it's cooked with bacon, it's got to be good. Yum. When can I try it?"

Truly, she is an Elsasaurus.

I Need a Mint...

Children.

Upon seeing that word, what comes to mind? Many might say they imagine love, joy, contentment. Others might think blessings, fun, laughter. Children conjure up positive emotions and images, yes?

In December, if someone had asked me what I thought when I heard the word "children," I would have said...SICKNESS! The flu! Endless cycles of sniffles!

You see, we've had a month-long bout of illness in the house. In addition to finishing up school assignments and preparing for the holidays, we've been battling bugs.

Of the kiddos, it was Lucas who was hit the hardest. I don't think he's ever been so sick. He had a terrible stomach virus. And since he's never experienced this before, he wasn't sure where his "fluids" were supposed to land..on the floor? on the sofa? in Mom's hair? ( I know, terribly disgusting)

As a parent, I felt helpless. There's nothing worse than seeing your child suffer. All I could do was pray that it would pass quickly and he'd feel like himself sooner than later.

After a night of throw-up, fevers & chills, I knew we were on the road to recovery as I watched Lucas make his way downstairs. He was wearing dress-up clothes. He flitted over to me and inhaled deeply. He touched his nose to mine and exhaled.....Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. "Vomit breath," he concluded. Then he added, " I need a mint."

Ah, children.