Plated Metals

In February, I blogged on http://365daysofresolutions/ about friends who make their way back into your life...and you're so re-connected, it's as though you were never separated.

I had been blessed, so I thought, with that type of relationship...I called it silver and gold, after the Girl Scout song we use to sing in rounds while sitting about the campfire...

"Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver ,and the other gold."

I felt as I had been given such a treasure in that friendship, since it isn't every day that God places someone from our past so solidly on our current path.

Eventually, I came to the realization that my beautiful silver and gold gift wasn't real...it was plated, faux...and it broke easier than I would have ever imagined. I kept trying to polish the friendship and make it shine again. Instead, it crumbled...I couldn't repair it.

Losing a bond that I thought was so strong was - and has been - devastating to me. I'm unsettled...maybe due more to my naivety in believing that relationships are precious, than to the actual loss, but unsettled, nonetheless.

This feeling of sadness hit home again the other night as I stood, watching a group of girls take hold of each others hands during a scout meeting. And in unison they began to sing...

How Do You Not Laugh?

Lately, Lucas has been sneaky. And while being deceitful is a concern in and of itself, he goes beyond that with the fibbing he does when caught. I'm beside myself. I've never had to deal with this, so, to be quite honest, I don't know what to do. Except, on occasion, to laugh.

Elsa was given a hip, girlie Birthday gift from a sweet friend of mine. The problem is that Lucas really likes it, too.

The other night as I was tucking the kids into bed, I noted multiple dark lines across Luke's denim-blue pillow case.

"Honey, what's all over your pillow case?"
"Um, it's just wet."
Feeling the pillow..."How did it get wet? Sweetie, it doesn't feel wet. What's on the pillow case?"
"Seriously, Mom, it's wet."
"Lucas, the pillowcase isn't wet. I'm touching it and it's not wet. Honey, I'm really more upset at this point about the truth not being told. Can you tell me what it is? Did you draw on the pillowcase?" ( A side note...Lucas has been graffiti-ing everything - including the neighborhood playground...so drawing on things is an issue for us.)
"Mom, if I tell you, please don't be upset with me."
"Tell me, please."
"It's Elsa's lip gloss."
(At this point, I'm thinking...we have a gazillion markers in the house and he used lip gloss...that's bizarre...maybe he thought it was a marker...no, he knows what lip gloss is because he tries to put it on..should I be worried?)
"LU-CAS (emphasis on both syllables), why on earth would you draw on the pillow case with lip gloss?"
"Well, the lip gloss is vanilla...and I wanted my pillow case to smell good."

Mean Pumpkins Suck...

I want to be a role model for my children, but there are times when I so want to break down, yell out, and let loose about how I feel. Instead, I hold it in, out of respect for the other person. Yet, by doing so I put my self, my own sanity at risk.

There are times when I've wanted to move negative people out of my life - folks who told more lies than truths, or who were incessantly negative. However, I would never consider cutting someone out of my life who I cared deeply about at some point in time without any explanation on my end. Nor, would I neglect to give them the opportunity to vent, scream, cry, explain, cuss...say what was on their mind...even if I knew I didn't agree with it. To ignore and turn ones back on someone - an old friend, in particular - is not only cruel, but immature and unnecassary, especially as adults. It's mean. And it sucks.

I've always been a forgiving soul. A friend recently told me that unlike most people I look at a person's heart and not necessarily their actions. It allows me to easily and quickly forgive. And since I so easily forgive, it is simple for me to take on the role of forgiver, even when I truly don't see how an issue might have arose due to my actions. I'm certainly not a saint and have caused rifts in relationships throughout my lifetime. But, I've always held to the thought that I would never want to leave this world not at peace with another person - and I would never want another individual to not have the opportunity to be at peace with me.

People are entitled -deserving - of resolutions. Communication - in any form, even if it's a 10 minute bitch session - is gentler, more loving and kind, than avoidance for no reason. We are sensitive, spirit-like, God-filled creatures...and for that reason, if no other, we owe each other decency, respect, and understanding.

Sticks, Stones, & Glass Houses

There is confusion in the minds of some surrounding the meaning of the phrase, "People who live in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones. "

This isn't advice to keep one's mouth closed when faced with inappropriate behavior. Everyone should be expected to call out and be called out when they are hurting another, lying, cheating, stealing...whatever the err. Unethical behavior should always be condemned, regardless of the perpetrator. Sometimes it takes another individual to remind us of how off-base we are in our actions. We are here to serve each other - minister to one another - and at times, that involves bringing to light issues and concerns that another person isn't willing, or happy, to hear.

However, how we do that is what separates those who are loving, Christ-like, Spirit-led in behavior versus those who have other intentions. To label another soul - to call them a name, especially in a public forum - to throw sticks and stones - shows a lack or character, maturity, understanding, and empathy. For example, you may not agree with the way in which I attempt to resolve a conflict, but that doesn't give you the right to call me a crazy bitch. Or, you might think that having one-night stands and/or pre-marital sex, is wrong - especially since the Bible says so- but that doesn't give you the right to call a man a dirty whore simply because he engages in that type of behavior to pacify his insecurities. You should, instead, pray that he comes to terms with whatever is spawning that behavior.

Everyone has flaws. But, when we stoop to the level of anger and nastiness when dealing with others, we add to our own list of issues to contend with, not theirs.

In An Instant

There is an historic, soul-filled, beautiful, simply-kept meetinghouse for Quakers - actually, for anyone - to worship located off of Old Fallston Rd. It sits back from the road, surrounded by green-ness...there is a small cemetery out back...a separate building - an original schoolhouse - hosts the children's program...and the library (my favorite room) houses the hard-backed, musty-paged writings of those moved by the Spirit. Today was our first visit and, as usual upon entering a place where Friends gather, I felt completely at home.
I thought I had to rely on a move across country or another person to create a sense of safety in my life, along with the feeling of being warmed & welcomed. At 10:30 this morning, I realized I have been mistaken.
In 1994, I left Maryland. No, I escaped from Maryland. Had I not had the sense to leave behind toxic individuals and negative circumstances, I would be 6-feet under with a tombstone that reads...Wasted Away...rising above wilted flowers and faded American flags at its base. Not only was I killing myself, I was allowing others to pull me into a grave. As I drove alone along Rt. 70 West toward Colorado, I promised myself a fresh start, a cleanse from all of the horrible things that had happened to that point, and a new life which focused on blossoming emotionally and spiritually.
Certainly, I made my share of mistakes when I settled in the Boulder area. But, I was so fortunate to be surrounded by this amazing group of diverse people...in hindsight they were mentors, educators, spirit-guides, friends. Several of them are still in my life.
I was still facing my demons, though- change doesn't happen overnight...a lesson in patience and perseverance! Over the next 16 years, for various reasons - a marriage, an illness, job opportunity - I relocated back and forth - MD to CO, CO to MD - six times. And each time, I felt myself growing in a positive way...I was becoming stronger in all areas of my life and finally felt as though I had made my way to the life-path I not only wanted to be on, but believed I was expected to be on. The only lingering concern that I allowed to keep traipsing through my mind was that I didn't feel rooted...I didn't know where I belonged. Finally, I made the decision that a move back home would be best for everyone.
Lately, however, I began to question that choice. In the form of some friends (if I inserted "facebook" prior to the word friends would that be somewhat funny or a bit warped?) I was greeted by some unwelcome visitors...anger, dishonesty, betrayal, lust, insecurity, self-hate...characters I spent most of my adult lifetime trying to keep away from my heart... and now, I have more motivation to keep them at bay - my children.
In tears this week, I wondered how I could have gotten so far off-track in such a short period of time...how I could let the struggles and disillusions of others knock me down. People offered their opinions...you need to stop caring so much about others, you're a nut, you need to lighten up, you just need to party- have some fun, you're too nice so you'll never survive here alone. I didn't have my filter going, so I was taking all of this - and more negatives - in. And I started feeling overwhelmed, lost, and insecure.
So, I went back to the source of everything good.
As we made our way through the meetinghouse entryway - the door of which was kept completely open throughout the morning - we were silently greeted by the smiling eyes and nods of those already seated. The windows were open, too, and there was a slight breeze making its way across the stillness of the room. Lucas laid across my lap, my one arm cradling him as he held tight to his stuffed dog, Bowie. My other arm was wrapped around Elsa, who had snuggled up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. While closing my eyes, I inhaled a slow, deep breath and thanked the Divine for bringing me to this place. In that instant I felt warmth and a deep peace...the safety of love...my welcome home gifts from God.

Facebook Follies!

For anyone to believe that the number of friends noted in the box to the left of one's homepage is actually an indication of true friendships is foolish...absurd...insane.

Prior to facebook, communication with family and friends who were currently in your life was done face-to-face or over the phone. Email was an option, as well. There were, and still are, search option on the internet to locate those who we had an interest in finding. The beauty of these types of correspondence is that it's private...strangers aren't following your every thought or judging your every move.

The other positive about phone calls versus facebook is that the telephone doesn't seem to be as much of an addiction as logging onto facebook.

Over the last few days, I've had people irate with me for deleting them as friends. (This was done for my own sake, my own peace of mind, a way to deal with an issue that I'm struggling with resolving...not because these individuals necessarily did anything to me or because I want them out of my life. So, instead of dealing with the backlash, I deactivated my own account for the time being. This is confusing to me. Just because a person isn't listed under the faux-friends category, doesn't mean there isn't a friendship still in tact or that there is no other way to communicate. Think about the insecurity and self doubt being deleted causes in people. To base one's self worth or define one's self on how many friends one has on facebook, isn't healthy. Friendships are determined by trust, honestly, and loyalty, not a picture in a box.

I think so many people - including myself and several facebook "friends" - are so worried about missing something, about not being included, or in some way needing to be at the center of attention in other's people's eyes, that facebook is almost becoming a public health issue. Belonging to facebook isn't helping people resolve issues, it's simply escalating insecurities and neurotic behavior that is already present, in addition to creating more complex, interwoven problems with people we barely know.

More on this later...

Do you think there are any negatives surrounding facebook?

What's A Blog?

I'm a magnet for emotional relief, it seems.
My friend, Mack, pointed out the other day that I'm so unlike most of the population
(oh, and if you look on my other blog, http://365daysofresolutions.blogspot.com/, there is an overview of a personality test that I took...and a link for you to take it, too).
People are drawn to me, I easily sense energy - good and "bad," folks feel they can vent to me...they come to me for emotional and spiritual support and I offer positive and loving options for resolutions. But, I guess it throws them off, when I hold up the mirror and ask, "What part, though, did you play in the situation that has you so mired down?...What negatives did you bring to the table?...Are there untruths about yourself or others being injected into the situation?...What are you going to DO to fix the problem?" (The latter is the most unappreciated question, by far).
You see, I don't mind being a sounding board or a trouble shooter, but I do mind being unloaded on, weighted down with all of the issues of others, who then move on, continuing their same negative and hurtful behavior, while I deal with the ethics of what I've just been told. It's frustrating.
Usually, when people come to me upset, concerned, confused, or angry about the hand they've been dealt, I recommend journaling ( journaling is wonderful for positives, too...journal daily, everything you are grateful for in another person...(or yourself)...and give it to them at some point...it was the best gift I've ever delivered to a loved-one in the past).
Today, I decided to take my own advice and start blogging (journaling) again! What a release it is going to be to share the truth, suggestions, insight, and stories with folks! While both of my blogs don't have too many followers...they've been read over a 1000 times! Yippee! Going forward, I'd love some participation...some input...Venting is welcome, too, as long as you include some sort of steps toward resolution of your issue. All of this being said, please know that my intention isn't to offend anyone, especially when I use names, but rather to bring things to light and for me to finally be able to unload the way that I see is best and healthiest for me. Yes, for a change, I'm going to think about myself.